How to create a Meaningful Life
Meaning is not something that exists inherently in life. It is something we, as humans, create. The act of assigning meaning is often unconscious, ingrained in our everyday actions and thoughts.
An example of unconscious meaning-making can be seen in the letters and symbols we use. Every letter on a page has meaning because we’ve collectively agreed upon it. We don’t think about this agreement while reading or writing, yet the system works flawlessly. This same principle applies to our lives. Even when we feel disconnected from purpose, it’s not that our lives lack meaning—it’s that we’ve lost sight of it.
Much like letters form words and sentences, individual moments, choices, and relationships create the structure of your life. Losing sight of meaning doesn’t mean it’s gone; it simply means that, like a lost word, it needs to be rediscovered. Meaning exists within you—it’s your job to find it.
Losing and Rediscovering Meaning
I can personally attest to how easy it is to lose meaning in your life. When I stopped playing basketball—a sport that had defined my identity for years—I felt as though I had lost everything. Basketball wasn’t just a hobby, it was the lens through which I viewed my worth and success. When it was gone, I thought my life lost its purpose.
But meaning wasn’t truly gone. I was simply unable to see it because I had chosen to accept a life without it. I went through months, even years, of searching before I realized that my life had always held meaning. I had let one aspect of my life define me, and when it disappeared, I mistakenly thought the meaning disappeared with it. What I learned is that meaning doesn’t evaporate; it evolves.
By searching within myself, reflecting on my relationships, passions, and long-term goals, I began to rebuild a sense of purpose. The process wasn’t instantaneous, but it was transformative. Meaning wasn’t tied to basketball—it was tied to my identity, my passions, and my drive to connect with others in meaningful ways.
Society’s False Promises of Meaning: Lessons from the Vanderbilt Dynasty
A powerful lesson about the pursuit of meaning can be found in the rise and fall of the Vanderbilt dynasty, as detailed by Anderson Cooper in his book, The Rise and Fall of the Vanderbilt Dynasty. The Vanderbilts, once the wealthiest family in America, ultimately lost their fortune and their sense of purpose. Cooper outlines how their immense wealth, which many people would consider the pinnacle of success, became their downfall.
The Vanderbilt family built extravagant mansions—one of which, when adjusted for inflation, cost over $220 million to construct. Yet, this mansion was eventually sold for a mere $2 million to a preservation society. This vast loss isn’t just about money—it’s about what happens when we tie our meaning and happiness to external definitions of success, like wealth, status, or luxury.
The lesson here is clear: money doesn’t buy happiness, and success isn’t defined by possessions. The Vanderbilt story is an extreme case, but it’s a powerful reminder of how societal values—particularly those that equate happiness with material wealth—can lead to empty lives. The more the Vanderbilts chased status through wealth, the more disconnected they became from true fulfillment.
We see this pattern replicated time and again, though often in less dramatic fashion. Many people spend their lives chasing after the “next big thing”—a bigger house, a more prestigious job, more money—only to find that these things do not provide lasting happiness. Real fulfillment comes from connections with yourself and with the people around you, not from accumulating material wealth.
Finding Meaning Beyond Society’s Expectations
Society often imposes definitions of success that don’t necessarily align with personal fulfillment. We are told that we should strive for more money, more possessions, and higher status. But the reality is that these things don’t provide lasting satisfaction because they’re rooted in external validation, not internal fulfillment.
True meaning comes from understanding what’s important to you, independent of societal expectations. The Vanderbilt story is an extreme example, but it speaks to a universal truth: fulfillment comes from within, not from chasing societal definitions of success.
How to Reshape Meaning in Your Life
Finding meaning is a personal, ongoing process. It requires intentional reflection, self-awareness, and sometimes a willingness to redefine what matters most to you. Here are a few actionable steps to help you reshape the meaning in your life:
Examine Where You Assign Meaning Unconsciously: Start by identifying areas of your life where you may have assigned meaning without realizing it. For instance, are you tied to your career as the only source of purpose? Do you measure your worth by external achievements or others’ approval? Recognizing these patterns allows you to assess whether they truly align with your core values.
Redefine Success on Your Own Terms: Success is subjective, yet many people operate under definitions imposed by society, family, or peers. Take time to reflect on what success looks like for you. Is it about personal growth, relationships, or creating impact in your community? Shifting your focus away from external validation and toward internal fulfillment can drastically alter your perspective.
Focus on Relationships and Connection: Research consistently shows that strong, meaningful relationships are a significant factor in long-term happiness and fulfillment. Spend time cultivating deeper connections with friends, family, and even yourself. A fulfilling life is often grounded in how we relate to and engage with others.
Embrace Change and Adaptability: Meaning isn’t static. Just as I learned after losing basketball, your source of meaning can shift over time. It’s important to remain open to this evolution. Be willing to let go of past identities, goals, or external markers of success that no longer serve you. Stay adaptable and allow your sense of meaning to grow with you.
Search for Meaning in Everyday Moments: Meaning doesn’t have to come from grand gestures or life-altering achievements. Often, it’s found in the small, everyday moments—the time you spend with loved ones, the satisfaction of personal growth, or the joy in pursuing a passion. Don’t overlook these moments; they are the building blocks of a fulfilling life.
Conclusion: Meaning is Yours to Create
Meaning is not something you find by accident. It’s something you create intentionally, through reflection, connection, and redefining your own values. Whether you’re rebuilding after loss, like I did, or examining the empty promises of wealth and status, like the Vanderbilt dynasty, the message is clear: you have the power to shape the meaning in your life.
By stepping away from societal pressures and focusing on what truly matters to you, you can live a more intentional, fulfilling life.
